Thursday, October 18, 2012

Unicorn Whiskers and Troll Farts

For the last 40-50-60 years we have been an age obsessed society that has focused heavily on anti-aging creams/potions/surgery to maintain a youthful appearance. Ingesting unicorn whiskers and swallowing troll farts just to keep from having a few crows feet around the eyes. I think the tides are finally turning in our favor... and it couldn't have come too soon as I approach 32 in 2 weeks.

It used to be considered your prime when you were in your early to mid 20's, 30 was considered old. I do believe that number is slowly moving upward to your late 30's early 40's and we have Hollywood to thank for that, ironically. With popular TV shows like Sex and the City, Cougartown, and Mad Men it has become trendy to be in your 30's, 40's, and 50's as long as you maintain your waistline and your appearance. Eminem turns 40 in a few days and he is still relevant among the rap community and the young. If this fact alone doesn't tell you that being 40 is cool nowadays, then the fact that Demi Moore is 49 and still looks way better than the majority of women on this planet under the age of 25 should definitely seal the deal for you. Cher is 66 years old and she is one of the coolest chicks on this planet, next to Madonna who is 54. These women are strong, gorgeous, successful, confident, and not in their 20's.

30's are the new 20's and 40's the new 30's. It has become okay to be 30 and single now, whereas before it was considered pathetic for women and you were a "playboy" if you were of the male persuasion. Now it is pretty normal to meet a lot of 30+ people who are not married, who do not have children, and live alone. Being in your 30's allows you to have financial freedom that you don't have in your 20's, you have the self-confidence to go after what you want, you are settled into your career and have the freedom to follow dreams, your college loans are probably close to being paid off, and you probably own your own home and car by this point. It is no longer "cool" or "chic" to be 20 years old and out in the club, it is considered juvenile and childish... we are entering the era of hip little bars that have a plethora of local microbrews on tap, and the women are not wearing loincloths masquerading as their dress.

Clubs will always have a place among the young children because they are still trying to develop some sort of self-worth and self-esteem, that can apparently only be gained by having sweaty-ass men ogling their cleavage and stealing cheap feels from up their tiny skirts... but god damn I am glad to not be part of that demographic anymore.

I am happy to be turning 32, it is a gift denied to many.  I am looking forward to the adventures that I will continue to have well into retirement age. I am sexier and more attractive at 32 than I was at 20 and I wouldn't go back to my 20's if I was ever given the opportunity.

Would you eat that troll fart to shave 15 years off your age? Not I. 

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