The Never Ending Quest for Domestication

I am totally weird sometimes... and creepy too. I can openly admit those things without embarrassment. I have this weird fetish when it comes to watching extremely obese people. Something about it makes me want to gag, but it also keeps me on track as far as my exercise program and living a healthy life because I am appalled at the way they live their life. Well I have another confession and it is really embarrassing and delusional... Some days I dream about being a stay-at-home wife/mother. This is really hard to admit considering the type of woman that I am, but I know why I do it.

Soooo, I love Google Reader. I subscribe to a multitude of blogs ranging from travel and cooking, gardening and crafts, to fashion and healthy living. It is an odd list to be perfectly honest. A list that you wouldn't expect if you don't know me very well. There are a few blogs that I subscribe to where these stay-at-home women create the most amazing food dishes, reupholster the most beautiful chairs that they found on a random Tuesday morning when they took their kids for a walk to the park, and sew their own curtains. I love these blogs. I spend hours reading through them and day dreaming about all the things I would do if I didn't have to work and could stay at home rearing children and being a cute little wifey. Here's my list so far:

• refinish this beautiful hutch that I have had in my storage room for years
• reupholster this beautiful antique chair that I found many years ago
• find the perfect lamp shade for an antique lamp that I own
• grow a garden
• make my own cinnamon cashew butter and cinnamon swirl bread
• put hardwood floors in the rest of my house
• dig a fire pit
• compost
• be highly fashionable with my hair done every day
• cook fabulously healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day
• raise chickens
• live on a farm

These are just a few things that are on my day dream list. I have zero free time in my schedule these days, so the idea of not having a job and just staying at home really appeals to me right now which is absolute craziness. If I did not have a job and didn't have to worry about money, I would not even stay at home. I would buy an RV, pack my dogs up, pack my kitty up, attach a trailer for my motorcycle, throw my mountain bike and kayak on top and hit the road. So I'm not really sure why these things seem so darn appealing to me because it isn't even what I would do. They make me want to settle down, find a husband, and pop a few chitlin out though because I see all these wives and mothers who seem to have all this free time to work on their domestication so I attribute it to what I don't have. A husband and children.

I know this is a complete generalization of stay-at-home wives and mothers out there. I know many who sleep only a few hours a night because of all the things they have to take care of  for their family, but much like seeing bad children... you rationalize with yourself and say "oh my kids will never act like that" which enables you to have children... and then you get lazy and your kids become the bad children that you didn't want.

I am equating the lack of free time in my life to the fact that I am not married, I am not settled down, I don't have kids, and I eat potato chips for dinner at 11pm when I get home... not to the fact that I'm in grad school, work full time, have an extremely full social life, and too many hobbies already. This is dumb and it is embarrassing to admit... so I leave you with this beautiful cup of a STRANGER'S cinnamon cashew butter.