Do you know what is super sucky, eh? When you find yourself terrified of something that you equally care about, so instead of owning up to this thing, you find yourself feeling senseless things that threaten to destroy all good things so that you don't have to face that which scares you most... being vulnerable to someone else. This is a compulsion that I've battled for most of my life when it comes to my relationships. I know why I do it, but we aren't really here for psych sesh, so we'll touch base on that another day. Today is just a writing therapy day to help me stop being an ass who wants to burn and destroy all things that are good that get too close to me. I needed to note my compulsion in writing to help me recognize my tendency to do this.
I'm not doing it this time... this one is something extraordinary to me,
but god dammit I hate this feeling about as much as he hates running.
For once in my life, I feel like it is worth being afraid in exchange
for the feeling I get when I'm with him. Now I must learn to not be an
asshole to the one person that I really like. :/