Friday, June 10, 2011

This Body I Was Given

So I didn't get much of a say on what type of body I was going to have when I popped out of my Mom's vagina in all of my 7 pounds of glory. For most of my life from puberty to 30 years old I have detested a good portion of my body even when it was an enviable body at times. I have lost huge amounts of weight, I have gained huge amounts of weight, I have looked like I had an "eating disorder" and I have looked like a total fat ass. I know that we are often our own worst critic and we probably don't look as disgusting as we feel on certain days but you really can't help how you feel... through all of these ups and downs with my body, I think I have finally accepted myself just the way I am... mostly (hey, I have high standards when it comes to performance).

I am an endurance athlete... this means I may not go fast but I can go FOREVER! I have run marathons, I have rode 10+ hours on a bicycle (which I will be doing again tomorrow... hopefully only 8 hours though), I have participated in 182 mile running relays, and through all this my body has held up and has made minimal objections to the strain I put on it. I am in the beginning training stages of preparing my body to climb to Everest Base Camp in Nepal, and I have agreed to ride a bicycle across the US next year, as well as up the coast of Portugal. I have not suffered any great injuries, except a stress fracture in my fifth metatarsal a few years ago when I was attempting to train for my first Ultra running event... I blame that on the uneven road though and running on a slant for 13 miles. This is a huge feat for an endurance athlete, especially a runner.

As I sit here totally naked in my living room which feels like the fifth circle of hell (thank you central air for being a huge smelly pile of shit), I take my resting heart rate... it is 58.... I look at my legs... they are **almost solid muscle... my feet are strong, my hands are strong, and my tummy is downright amazing these days. This body I have might not look like a super models, especially now as I get older everything is starting to hang just a little bit lower, but I am not sure that I would trade it in if ever given the opportunity. I have absolutely no health problems. I do not have high blood pressure,  my blood sugar is completely normal... (even when I am stuffing my face with lasagna as I take the test and have not fasted), my body handles everything I throw at it with ease, so in return for being such a great sport and putting up with the shit I throw at it I feed it the best food I can on a regular basis. Eating organically and locally are both very important things to me, not eating too much meat, and drinking plenty of water are also things I abide by, and drinking alcohol is usually in a binge sort of way every 6-8 weeks.

As I sit here and assess the readiness of my body to handle the challenge in front of it this weekend, I am for once in 15 years thankful for the body I have been given. I am thankful for genetics at this point in time and I am thankful that I am able to do all the things I love to do and that I am not held back by my own body's weakness. I can sit and look at my stretch marks (much fewer these days) and  not have a complete overwhelming desire to burn them away or do drastic things to get rid of them because they are just a reminder to me to watch my eating better and to not get fat again.

I am strong, I am in perfect health, my weight is in the "normal" healthy range as dictated by the FDA, and my body is downright amazing with handling the shit that its sometimes mentally deficient owner hands to it and tells it to make the best of. This body I have is not a super models, it is quite average looking at best, but I have accepted it and have been very thankful lately for it as I have started climbing 15% grade inclines with a 60 pound pack. I am who I am and I love who I am... today I even love how my body looks and I especially love how my legs look in spandex.


  1. amazing! simply amazing. I hope that i will be able to come to terms with what nature has handed me, with the same determination that you have. You are wise beyond your years.


  2. Not only are you wise beyond your years...your damn funny too...thanks for the inspiration!

  3. Thank you so much, it has taken many years and much self-loathing to get to this point. Thank you for reading and commenting. :)