Monday, June 20, 2011

Halfro-Samurai meets a Georgia Peach

This story is for Amanda E. and all possible to the graciousness of Miss Brenda W.

So I have a special talent for making people feel awkward sometimes... well about a month ago during the weekend of the now infamous Kentucky Derby Bawl Crawl, I did one of the most ridiculous things ever all for the sake of akwardness. It really was spectacular.

The shenanigans started out by a group of my good friends coming to visit me for the weekend from New York, the weekends with them are always some of the most memorable. They are seriously, very special people. Well my Brother-in-law decided to bring his new lady friend, who is a charming, lovely, southern-bell from the peach-eating state of Georgia. Well it turns out that Miss Georgia herself was going to be arriving at my house before anyone else. She had never met me before, she only spoke to me through Facebook, and it wasn't very often. For a reaction my Brother-in-Law decided to tell Miss Georgia that I was a nudist and that I really liked burning incense. This freaked Miss Georgia out a little bit and I do believe she was really anxious to come to my house after that from what my Brother-in-Law was telling me. Well I can't let a gem like this just go by and not take advantage of such a beautiful opportunity to make things awkward.

So 7:30 pm rolls around.... I am sitting in my house completely naked waiting for her to get there... she is late. She calls and says she is at an exit about 45 minutes away... great, I finish up a little housework, text message my silliness to a couple friends, and continue waiting. An hour and a half later, she finally shows up. Ryan and I left all the lights off in the house so she wouldn't see me answering the door naked. I go answer the door to let her in... completely bare ass naked. My dogs go running up to her to greet her and jumping all over her... I am telling them to get down, but it appears that she has never enjoyed a dogs distraction so much in her entire life. She keeps all eyes focused on my dogs and pays them a huge amount of attention, which I am sure won them over instantly. Well this isn't getting the reaction I want, so I say "It is so great to finally meet you, I am so glad you made it safely" and go in for the biggest hug ever. Yup, I was hugging a complete stranger, completely naked. She was such a champ about it too, she even patted me on the bare back if I remember correctly.

We walk down my hallway toward my living room where Ryan is sitting on the couch about to go into a fit of laughter. She is dilly dallying down the hallway being extremely attentive to my dogs and their social needs. She finally gets to the end of the hallway, which I am sure seemed like an eternity to her... I start talking to her about 8 inches away from her about nothing important, the whole time she is trying her best to not look at my naked body. I make the mistake of looking down at Ryan once, and I lose it. I start laughing hysterically and tell her I am just fucking with her, I am not really a nudist. The relief that washed over her face was instantly visible. I run upstairs to get some clothes and I come back down naked, I figure she has already seen my Halfro-Samurai so there isn't much left to hide and get dressed in the living room.

It really set the tone for a great weekend full of fun stuff like pregnant midgets in bars, Mexican prostitution rings, being followed by an under-cover cop car after leaving the bar that was a Mexican prostitution ring, punching our horses in the face, doing the Bawl Crawl, and an old lady that had no underwear on and was sitting with her legs spread wide open for all the young boys to crawl up inside and make themselves nice and toasty.

Good times... all in the course of a weekend at my house.


  1. David LemoncelliJune 20, 2011 at 9:28 PM

    Absolutely beautiful!! *high five* lmao

  2. Amanda, u are so freakin' awesome!!