Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Resentment of Dreams

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly."

~Lanston Hughes

As I am working very hard toward multiple dreams in my life right now, I have to wonder if it is worth it.

Dreams of doing great things, difficult things, things that take a lot of work to accomplish... these dreams have the potential to sap us of our energy and cause resentment toward these dreams. We work so hard toward realizing these dreams, that by the end of it we seem to be hollow and apathetic toward the dream that we just worked incredibly hard for.

Following your dreams is not easy. It requires dedication, hard work, and sacrifice. In return for your blood, sweat, and tears, you are rewarded with a great sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, a sense of pride. Right? I have big dreams, dreams that require a lot of my blood, sweat, and tears... as I get closer to fulfilling dreams and even dreams that I have already fulfilled in the past, I feel overwhelmed and listless. I have no pride in the things I have accomplished thus far. I feel like the work I have put in to doing these things, has sapped me of my ability to feel anything toward them other than relief at being done with the task. They were no longer dreams by the end, they were just tasks that had to be finished because my ambition was telling me they had to be finished.

I feel that the term "follow your dreams" and the joy you are supposed to feel when you have accomplished said dreams, truly only applies to small dreams. Dreams that do not require years of work and years of dedication. I feel those dreams do not bring you joy, I feel that by the end of that chase you resent your dream and your ambition to go after it.

I resent my dreams and my ambition, and yet I don't stop chasing after them... I'm looking for the promised land of fulfillment and contentment, I have yet to find it.

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