Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Pat Benetar Sang It

Love is such a complicated emotion. It is so strong and yet so weak at the same time. I have been thinking about my ability to love and to give myself completely to one person for some time now and I am positive that I have never done it. I am absolutely certain that I have never loved someone with my whole being and given myself to them with everything I have, with the exception of my first love. We all know how that goes though, so it doesn't count.

I am wise enough to know that love is not enough to hold a relationship together... I learned that life lesson the hard way when I was in my early 20's. No matter how much you love a person, it is not enough to stay afloat in a relationship. There are so many other factors that have such a huge impact on the survivability of a relationship in addition to what level of effort you are willing to put in versus the positive gains from that effort.

As I continue to discover every reject and retard hiding in the weeds in my dating adventures, I have to wonder if I will ever meet a person that I will give my undivided attention to and my entire heart, holding nothing back? I know that there is no settling for me in my next relationship on any level. Which I suppose might not be fair to prospective suitors, but this man will be everything in the universe to me because I can't handle the pain and heartache of breaking up with people that I love due to personality conflicts again. This man must have the ESSENTIAL SPARK that I seek and his sense of adventure must parallel my own.This will be no easy feat and I have no confidence at all that he exists, but I am so unwilling these days to deal with the bullshit that comes from dating people that are not truly right for me. 

I see couples who have been together for such a long time and I wonder how much sacrifice has been made on both parts to make that happen and if it is worth it. I don't want things to be difficult, I want free flowing love that comes naturally and easily, filled with laughter, affection, trust, respect,  and adventure. They say that nothing worth doing is easy and that is where I disagree, I want a relationship that comes easily.

Anyone in a long term relationship? How do you do it and not start to feel suffocated and just want to run to the farthest, most remote place just to find yourself again?

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