A good friend recently told me "you're not a sideline kinda girl, you're the fucking star of the show and no one has the right to take your shine away." It was in response to something that hurt my feelings pretty good and I can't thank her enough for that advice. I am not a sideline kind of girl - yet I allowed myself to be sat on the bench. It annoys the shit out of me when people trivialize my life and place absolutely zero value on me as a person, not even bothering to listen to what I have to say. She went on to say "dumb is different than trusting and you're the latter my friend."
These two lines helped me so immensely that I felt a blog needed to be dedicated to her. So here's to you, my dear friend. I am so grateful to have you in my life and for you to have my back. You know who you are because only you can use the word "fucking" in the same message where a picture of an elegant pair of espadrilles from Nordstrom's reside and have it sound classy as fuck. :) (I'm from New York, I swear a lot. Deal with it. They are just words and words only have meaning when you let them have meaning.)
She's right. I am too trusting. I trust people immediately and almost 100% of the time thinking that they have my best interest at heart as I actually do have theirs because I am not a douchebag, I care about people and their well being. I make excuses for people and always try to see their potential rather than the evidence that is presented before me of their true intention. I am turning a leaf though. I'm not doing this anymore as of right........... now. I am going to start basing my opinion on a persons actions rather than how I see them, because again... she is right. I'm the fucking star of a show, it's called The Amanda Show and in case you didn't know, it's about this girl who has been known to be an asshole once or twice in her life when people have deserved it.
The lesson to be learned here is that I am a terrible judge of people
and my judgment should be questioned, as this judgment had been many times by a few people, and I just made excuses. On the upside, I am exceptionally talented at making really fucked up people appear to be god-like to other people by my ability to rationalize away how fucked up they really are.
I'm not answering questions about this matter either as she also told me "You don't have to answer and you damn sure don't have to explain yourself!!!" So I'm not explaining myself, I'm writing a cryptic blog that most of you won't understand unless you are close to me, and I'm moving on from a fucked up situation where I have been side-lined. Not because I don't care (I care too much and it is affecting me negatively), but because I am Ray fucking Lewis, I'm a starter not a bench warmer.
**Disregard the fact that Ray Lewis is retired**