Thursday, August 16, 2012


I'm at this age where my body wants me to decide if it wants children and I seem to be stumped. When I think about it, I keep telling myself that I'm still young and that I have plenty of time. I tell myself that I can have a baby at 40, maybe then I will be ready to give everything up to rear children. I'm just not sure if I will be. I really enjoy being able to do whatever I want to do all the time. I enjoy being able to blow all the money I make on things I want to do, and just eat PB&J for two weeks if I have to. (not that I do this, but I could if I wanted to)

My life is so full and so busy all the time, that I just don't understand how there is time to have children and to still have time for a life of my own. Not to mention... I work incredibly hard for the body I have, I'm not sure I want to lose it all to have a baby. I know that sounds vain, but I have a pretty solid body and I enjoy seeing my abs on a daily basis. If I have a baby, they are going to be gone... forever.

Shall we bring up the fact that I'm not even remotely close to being in a stable relationship. After the weekend I just had, I am even further from a relationship than I was 6 days ago. On Thursday, last week, I thought I knew what I wanted in a partner, as of today I know EXACTLY what I want in a partner and it is completely different than what it was on Thursday of last week. I've got mad love for a chiseled jaw all of a sudden, and a man that isn't afraid of life, and it potentially knocking him the eff out in the process. A man with no hangups, no reservations, and NO BAGGAGE.

Truly, the only reason I see to have children from my perspective is: a) narcissism, I'm curious what they will look like and how my mothering skills would be b) to not die alone. When I get around babies, I want to cuddle with them and pinch their little chunk-a-dunk thighs but I also enjoy giving them back 20 minutes later when I lose interest.

Who knows where all this is going to end up. I'm very much in the air about the prospect of ever having children, there is a possibility of it, but there is also a big possibility of it not happening. Either way is fine, if I change my mind adoption is always a viable option. I should be thinking about more important things right now, like the fact that I have a new Cannondale RZ 120 with a Lefty fork in my truck right now calling my name. Calling my name to come caress it, ride it, smother it in mud... oh my god the idea of that bike excites me more than the prospect of children. For now, I shall continue to be the coolest Aunt on the planet.

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