1. You enjoy wearing spandex
2. You are completely irritated with all the free time you have on Sundays
3. You like the taste of butt hole (that is what GU packets taste like)
4. You don't mind not being able to walk upright for about 10 hours after long runs
5. You enjoy a diet of Ibuprofen, water, GU, and Gatorade. Rinse. Repeat.
** WAIVER** all these can be waived if you have children... I find that Mothers who run are exceptional long distance runners, I think it is because they are naturally fit from chasing children around, eating cold meals that also resemble the taste of butt hole, and enjoy Sundays out running for 4 hours as compared to being home because it is actually quiet while out running!
So my run tonight started out normal, I felt great for the first 12-13 miles. I was surprised with myself actually because I felt no pain, my heart rate was on the lower side, and nothing was pinching/riding up/chafing. Well that magic bus ride quickly came to an end around mile 13.5 when I started having the worst farts ever! They were soooo loud, which was really funny to me actually since I was alone and just had to turn around to see if anyone was behind me before I let the explosion come... but then all of a sudden I felt like I had a bad case of herpes climbing down my leg! So for the next 1.5 miles I kept on running through the intense pain of my shorts chafing my thighs! They get hungry sometimes and really like the taste of my spandex for some reason, I just can't seem to break them of this habit no matter how hard I try. Luckily there was a 711 in my sight and I was able to get some Vaseline. I was sitting on the ground in the parking lot of a 711, legs spread eagle, with both hands up my shorts applying Vaseline to my poor bloodied thighs while eating a banana with no hands. I am sure I was a sight that belonged on a cover of Hustler. After applying this magic medicine, eating my banana, and refilling my water bottle I was on my way to finish my last 5 miles. It was amazing... instant relief, well except for my boost booty blowout, I continued to fart my way all the way back to my truck 5 miles away.
True story. :)